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“Fear is the deciding factor behind motion. Fear is the deciding factor behind un-motion. Both is true for the one who is emotionally brainless.” Keep reading to learn about the 3 phases I use to build emotional intelligence.

Imaginatory Exercise:

scenario:

Your boss comes in and tells you to clear out your desk. You’re being fired.

THOUGHT 5 MINUTES BEFORE:

The universe is giving me a sign that i need to quit my job and go after my dream.. start my own business. It’s what I am meant to do. And I know that working here is slowing the success of my future self.

FAST FORWARD TO MY THOUGHT PROCESS AS MY BOSS TELLS ME IM BEING FIRED:

(Forgetting everything I said and felt 5 minutes before) “WTF?! What am I gonna do?? How am I gonna pay my bills? Buy groceries? Live? I need to find a new job. ASAP!”

END scenario.

Retreating to comfort

When the universe smacks you in the face with a golden opportunity to fast track you closer to your goal, the reality of that scary unknown sinks in and stops you from pursuing. Because that fear, you go back to what’s familiar.

This is the sad reality most people face when going after a big dream.

At that ever-inevitable crossroad, of choosing between comfort and risk, they falter and resort to the former.

BUT.. if you choose the latter, you give yourself the chance of supreme fulfillment. You’ve kicked ass at life and didn’t let the judgement of the world stop you.

Learning from History

Marcus Aurelius is regarded as one of the greatest rulers during the Roman Empire. He earned this title through his unparalleled calmness, ruling through logic, not fear.
And one of the ways he was able to make difficult decisions hour by hour, day after day, was through a process he called “Negative Visualization.”
Before Marcus Aurelius would go about the day, he’d begin by imagining all the possible scenarios that could come up and how he would deal with them if and when they did.

This ruling tactic inspired me..

To come up with a process I can use to build emotional intelligence; a state of mental maturity. So when hefty challenges are thrown my way, I don’t resort to emotion or rash thinking. Rather, I come from a place of calm, wise logic.

The 3-phase to build emotional intelligence

PHASE 1: Take time out of your day to sit with your thoughts

Those who act out from emotion struggle making wise decisions. Many times, people who are reactive are this way because they aren’t emotionally educated on how to be any different. It’s important to know that every raging impulse ISN’T meant to be acted on.

If you haven’t sat with yourself and logically looked over who you are as a person it’s probably true that your impulse is poorly mis-gauged.

We’ve done a great job at creating a world where we never have to be alone with ourself..

So…

I want you to make time EVERY DAY to sit with your thoughts.

Reflect on your childhood..
Past relationships..
Identity changes
Career moves..

And then ask yourself, what was your character like, truly, in these situations?..

Physically reflecting on our actions is like doing 100 squats a day. In the beginning, you don’t see how it’s doing anything for you. But in time, your legs get strong and toned. It’s the same with self reflection. In the beginning, it feels useless and irrelevant. But with time your emotional tolerance builds and so does your ability to make wise, rational decisions.

PHASE 2: Apply the “Negative Visualization” and map out future plans

It’s not realistic or even possible to try and visualize every scenario that could potentially happen in a day. So instead, I want you to imagine how you’ll deal with things that are stressful or hard.

Picture yourself getting tested with a pressing issue but you use the emotional intelligence tool you’ve built through reflection to see yourself acting calm and logically.

PHASE 3: Let go of control and trust the process

The deepest way to build emotional intelligence is simply by being aware. And the more time we spend with ourselves, the more aware well become.

You’ve internally reflected on your character, you’ve imagined a future avatar of the way you’ll behave, now it’s time to just let the process work.

Any struggle in your life would not be given if you had not the strength to overcome it.

Stay present. Sending vibrations of reinvention your way <3

Ariana

3 Phases to build emotional intelligence