To love is to be vulnerable. It can heal us and make us whole. But it can also hurt us at times of loss.
A little over a week ago, I had to put my dog down. She collapsed overnight and was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The loss of her was an unknown shift to my identity.
“Who was I to become, not that I no longer had my little shadow?”
Along with this came the endless stream of questions and guilt.
“How did it get so bad overnight.?”
“Was it something I did that caused it.?”
Every pain and heartache is a blessing, and no pain too great would be given if you had not the strength to overcome it.
This is the mantra I keep strong in my heart, especially though the hard parts.
For me, leaning on books and leaders really help me when i’m struggling. It gives me clarity and helps brings me to acceptance.
While in my reading, I came across this:
An American-Swiss psychologist named Elisabeth Kübler-Ross outlined the five stages people go through when grieving. These 5 emotions are just a foundation and is not to say you wont feel other emotions or maybe no emotion at all. Grief is singular, and everyone processes differently.
The 5 Stages of Grief:
1: Denial:
Our minds are only capable of handling so much at one time. Denial is a natural defense to accepting only as much as you are equipped to handle. Be patient with yourself here.
2: Anger:
It comes from deep love and it’s one that very important not to ignore. Let yourself feel it. Get angry. Then feel the release.
3: Bargaining:
You try making a deal with God. Begging to make the pain end. Pleading with what you should have done different. This is your acceptance level for now.
4: Depression:
It’s the emptiness you now feel. The change of your identity. Some people feel sadness for greater lengths then others. Everyones brain chemistry is different. While it’s normal to feel depression following a loss, extreme depression may require the use of medical treatment. Please see a doctor if you feel your depression worsening with time.
5: Acceptance:
When we make peace with reality, we have accepted the loss. This does not mean that you will never feel sad for it again. But you’ve come to terms and can continue on with peace and love in your heart.
Loss can come from so many different ways. Divorce, loosing a job, ending of a friendship.. All of them require the process of grieving. And there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
But the only way through is through.
If you are going through loss right now, my deepest condolences. Loosing a loved one, or going through heartbreak can be so crippling but I really recommend not doing it alone. Lean on your community, lean on this community, but just reach out and bring someone in.
You WILL get through this <3
xO
Ariana
